As I remember Christmas, I only remember the joys of sitting between a decorated, tinseled, pine scented real tree and a cardboard fireplace. The fireplace had a hearth of cardboard logs with a cellophane backing, and behind that sat a lit bulb, with a spinning windmill-like piece of metal on top. I would blow towards it and make the fire roar! We had red candles on top and Christmas cards, and we would tape our empty stockings on it too. It was duct taped to the door so that it wouldn't fall over, and the door was lined with masking tape (not very effective) to keep the cold out. I would set for hours in the chair next to the tree and just stare, stare at the lights and the shiny bulbs, and dream, dream of new toys and laughter. At night before I fell asleep, I would look outside to see if I could see that star the Christmas star. I could never just fall asleep, I wanted to see the man, the sleigh, the flying reindeer. I'd fall asleep eventually, but I'd be back up by 4 AM to wake up Mom. She'd be pissed and I would have to go back to bed and zombie out. Can I at least open my stocking? Can I open 1 present from my stocking? Can I eat a chocolate? Have an orange? Nowadays, I don't have the same excitement and the magic, but I see it in my children's eyes and it brings me back. I still have a couple of decorations from those old days. Like the elves (see picture) that used to be on bottles of Joy dishwashing liquid, and my albino Rudolph doll. This year is the first one that I had to get rid of the ornaments that were on the old trees from Mom. They were beaten and scarred, but they were a part of me.
They looked like these -->
The presents I remembered most were usually one's I didn't have for very long, or wasn't allowed to play with. My mom had this thing about noisy toys, toys that needed batteries and toys used outside. They were for rainy days, or when we had batteries or could only use them in the yard. One year I got an electric dashboard. It had a winshield wiper, a horn, a key that would turn the engine over, a coin tray and turn indicators. It was yellow and had a plastic glass windshield. I could never play with it, because I had to use the horn and it took batteries, 2 strikes right there! And the batteries I'd get would have to last me until they leaked!
Another year I got a pedal go-cart that looked
like this ----->
I was only allowed to use it in the backyard. Well in Massachusetts, if you got an outside toy for Christmas, it would be late March or April, before you had a lawn! Then I had to pedal ot in the fricking grass!!!!! Not on the road, where we had three cars go by a day! not on a road that had a great hill! Not on a road that had a storage facility that had bumps at each garage level! I could have been Evel Knievel!!!! Damn!
When my brother came home from the War (Vietnam), it seemed like our Christmases got better! My sister Bernie bought us a crap load of stuff the year before, but it felt better that Joe was home! Well he got me this race car set. I guess on Christmas Eve he wanted to make sure that it worked, so he set it up and played with it. When I got it on Christmas I was elated! so after watching all the presents get opened up, i got a chance to put the booger together and the ^^%^^$%@^#&^#*^*# didn't work. It would only go in reverse! He broke my toy!
It looked like this, but went backward! ------->
I wonder what my children will remember.? I wonder what they connect with. This year my youngest is finding the truth about the fat man and I'm sure it is upsetting. I remember how I felt. It was like a loss. The magic was gone, just like that! I wanted to believe a fat guy could pop out of any home opening! What traditions will they carry. One day will they throw out my ornaments? Yes they will. It is a part of the progression of life. When our parents are gone, we either carry on or start new traditions. The ghosts of Christmas past live on inside us, carry us forward, remind us of the love and happiness we shared. With God giving us his most cherished possession, his son, he has shown us what really matters, love. Love for each other, family and ourselves. The gift of life we share is priceless. The memories that linger will never happen again, so their value is increased! May the love you have burst through this Christmas season. Go out of your way to open up the doors to your heart and remove them so that love can flow through! Step outside your shell and give, you reap two-fold for all you do! God Bless you and have a safe and joyful holiday! Love, Mike
